Lost
by eternaldreamer2690
Summary: Over the summer Kevin has changed. Edd feels drawn to help his old friend. Friendship, eventual romance.
1. Chapter 1

Surrounded by people, all pushing and jostling to get somewhere. There is so much noise. The shouts and laughter were painful to his ears, he hated the halls, they made his head hurt and his heart ache. It hadn't always been this way, at one time he had been the one who shouted loudest and laughed the longest. He had felt so full then, now he feels hollow, slowly trying to turn numb. It would be a relief, because feeling was too difficult. Kevin stared at his sneakers as he shuffled down the hall, someone bumped into him, "oh, sorry" the other boy glanced away quickly. Last year that was one of his friends, what was his name...Kevin couldn't recall...It didn't really matter. Ever since the accident he had pushed all his friends away. The look in there eyes, he couldn't stand it. He did not deserve their sympathy or pity and finally they had stopped trying to talk and left him alone. At the time it had seemed good, now he wasn't sure.

Kevin was jerked out of his thoughts as another body collided with his own. Caught off guard the ginger boy grabbed at the other, but it was no use, gravity was working and they landed in a heap. "That's what you get dork, next time stay outta my way!" Is that what i used to sound like, Kevin wondered as he picked himself and the other boy up from the ground. "Thank you for your assistance Kevin but i can manage" Kevin looked up, surprised he hadn't realized it sooner, "oh, hey Edd" he muttered "hows it goin?"

Edd could not recall a time when Kevin had A. called him anything except Double dork/dweeb and B. sounded so morose . The boy before him was almost unrecognizable from the kid he had known in his youth, dressed all in black, no hat, his hair was a shaggy, dirty mess, and the look in his eyes, it was the worst. It was like the fire in them had gone out, he has the eyes of a dead man. All this rushed through Edds mind before he responded "Well, its about the same as always" sarcastically gesturing to his scattered possessions in the now empty hall, "How are you?" he added perfunctorily.

Kevin stared at Edd. He hated that question, it always brought his anger bubbling to the surface. "Such a stupid question that stupid people always ask." he though bitterly. "But Edd isn't like that, hell he's the smartest guy I know. He sighed and leaned back against the lockers, shoving his hands into his hoodie. "I'm fine" he lied.

Edd was analyzing Kevin. Everything about him screamed "not fine". His posture, tone and overall appearance suggested that he was unhappy. Throw in that in the two months since school began he had pushed away all his friends and almost never spoke anymore says that he was probably depressed, definitely going through something emotional. Edd decided that the guy needed help, and before he could stop himself blurted out, "Do you wanna skip school today?" he mentally slapped himself. Surprised Kevin looked up at him, "dorks gotten tall" he thought, before mumbling ""Yeah, i do." Edd released the breath he'd been holding, "alright lets go then" he hears himself respond, his voice uncharacteristically filled with false bravado, as he gathers his belongings. 'Goodbye sixteen years of perfect attendance, hello delinquency!' he mentally chides himself as they make their way outside and towards student parking.

What are you doing Edd, what are you doing skiping school! you are no therapist, what do you think you're going to accomplish?" Edds thoughts are are jumbled making him jittery, by the time they reach the car his hands are trembling.

Edd fumbles with his keys, and looks over his shoulder before sliding inside, and unlocking Kevin's door. Kevin is resting his forehead against the outside of the car watching Edd as he pulls the lock up,

"What are you doing kevin, what the hell are you doing?" he wasn't sure, but the sight of the dweeb had lifted the weight off his chest for a moment, made it easier to breathe...and honestly, he just wanted that for a little longer.

"I hate cars" he thinks to himself as he drops into the seat beside Edd.


	2. Chapter 2

The car ride was a silent one, both boyswere lost in their own inward contemplations. Kevin trying to puzzle out why when Edd asked if he wanted to skip class hed agreed. so far he had three reasons; one, he was tired of being alone, two, Edd was comforting. no matter who you were or what you had done Edd would reach out to help you up and three, Edd reminded him of a time when he'd been carefree and happier, back when she was... "No." Kevin muttered shaking his head fiercely as he tried to block out the painful truth that was always on his mind. Edd turned towards him, "sorry what Kevin" Kevin eyes grew wide as the car drifted to the right, "Eyes forward Double D!" he shouted, gripping the sides of his seat. Edd jerked the car left, alarmed by Kevin's sudden outburst. "Jesus double d, where the hell'd you learn to drive?" he demanded angrily, glaring towards the shaking boy beside him. "i'm sorry Kevin" he whispered, "i didn't mean to frighten you." "s'alright" Kevin mumbled turning back to his window. they lapsed into silence once again.

Edd was still recovering from being shouted at. He hated confrontation of any kind. Being the quiet type he didn't often speak and when he did it was because something needed to be said. Said not shouted. If Edd was shouting it was for a good reason, typically it meant his patience had reached its limit. So cheeks flushed from the shame of being unable to steer straight as well as Kevin's over reaction, he tried to reason out the other boys outburst. After all he hadn't swerved that much. why had Kevin reacted so harshly? it was the most life he had shown so far..."

Subconsciously he pulled to a stop in his driveway. He looked up surprised to see his own house, to his right Kevin was already getting out of the car. The smartest of the Eds sighed, "the hell am i doing?" Edd grabbed his messenger bag and locked the car. "hey Kevin," he called out, as the ginger boy was already heading to his own house across the street, "you wanna...hang?" Edd winced at his use of slang, abyssmal, even to his own ears it sounded awkward. Kevin almost smiled," that was adorkable Edd, A for effort." he thought as he shuffled back towards Edds home. Edd slipped his shoes off by the door and Kevin followed suit. "wanna watch a movie?" why did he sound squeaky "sure dude." now what...oh yes, "okay um the living room is that way, just pick whatever you like, im gonna grab a soda, want anything"pleased that he said all that without sounding doltish he smiled sheepishly, " ya whatever you're havins good." Edd breathed a sigh of relief when he got into the kitchen. Curse his introverted nature, why did he grin like a moron, why is "hanging out" so difficult for him? "pretend he's eddy and ed," he told himself, "you never struggle with those two..." He tried to soothe his nerves and quiet his thoughts as he walked back into the living room.

Kevin had flopped onto the floor in front of the dvd rack, and watching his guest, Edd wonders what he'll pick, his money is on horror, the kevin he knew as a child loved scary movies, or maybe a sports flick, Edd only owned three, "this ok?" Edd looked at the dvd kevin held up. Beauty and the Beast...Disney...well that was unexpected. "sure?" Kevin looks back at him, "are you sure?" Edd smiles "yeah, yeah its just that, uh," he trailed off, "its not what you thought i'd pick huh?" Kevin asked "well, yes" Edd admitted. "lately," Kevin explained as he set up the movie, "i find i appreciate cartoons more and more" Edd smiled softly "me too...dude." Kevin looked at him as he dropped back onto the sofa. "you can stop trying so hard" Kevin stated as Edd flushed silently, "preciate it tho" Kevin said as he pressed play.

it quickly became a ritual for the two boys. leave school, go to Edd's house, watch a movie. The time they spent together was typically silent and eventually Edd felt comfortable in it. Kevin loved Edds house, it was peaceful, his mind could rest there. And Edd never tried to make him talk, which was a relief. there was no reason to try and be ANYTHING except what he was. Every once in a while when they didn't want to watch a movie, they would read or listen to music or at Edds request study. Kevin had decided studying wasn't so horrible, with another person. Edd made it into a competition and Kevin love to win. What Kevin appreciated the most is that even on his worst days Edd would never pester him, he let him sleep. He could walk in and curl up on the couch or floor, no questions asked. Nothing was forced when he was with Edd, everything was so easy. And as he curled into the blanket Edd had thrown over him he thought, "its good to have a friend again."


	3. Chapter 3

"Dude you at home?" Kevin called out as he pushed the front door open. "no Kevin, the car is outside and the door is unlocked because i am not at home..." Kevin smiled as he walked in the hall and headed in the direction of Double d's voice. "No need to be rude Edward" he said as he stepped into the kitchen, and paused in the doorway, "Dude, what are you doing?" Edd was standing by the sink, red in the face and sweaty, an odd array of kitchen utensils were scattered around him. He was starring angrily at a small jar on counter. Kevin bit his lip to keep from laughing, "please tell me this isnt what i think it is?".

Edd shot a glare his way, "this Kevin is a jar, inside is jam, strawberry if you must know, and it belongs on the toast that is on the table, alas i cannot open it." He continued to struggle with the stubborn lid for a few minutes before Kevin walked over and took it from his hands. Edd pursed his lips as Kevin easily twisted the top of the jar and handed it back. The jerk wasn't even attempting to hide his mirth! "thank you" he muttered, "anytime man" Kevins grin widened. Still somewhat irate Edd inquired "why are you here Kevin, it cant be to rescue my breakfast?" The ginger boy huffed, "Nah man, i just couldn't stand sitting at home anymore, is it cool if i hang here?" Edd thought for a moment, well he really had no plans, "sure, Video games or movie?" "Moooooviiiie" Kevin crowed, "you set it up, i got the food?" Edd suggested "Choice." Edd smiled as the other boy leapt into action. He was slowly opening up to Edd. When they had first started "hanging out" Kevin wouldn't talk unless asked a direct question and even then it was mostly one word answers, now he was poking fun at Edd, and laughing! The first time THAT had happened Edd had been startled by the sound, and Kevin had looked as though he had forgotten he knew how to laugh... Edd picked up the stack of strawberry toast and glasses of orange juice and walked to the living room. Kevin was in his usual place tucked into the corner of the Vincents black leather sectional, feet propped on the ottoman, he smiled up at Edd when he walked in. "Are you ready for SciFi Sunday?" Edd set the food on the ottoman and handed Kevin his juice, "if we must," He he heaved a false sigh and closed his eyes, dramatically falling back into the cushions as Kevin hit play.

Jerking awake it took edd a few moments to remember where he was. Bright sunlight shone through the windows as shouting and gunshots rang out through the speakers. He glanced over at Kevin to see that he too had fallen asleep. "wow bad movie" Edd chuckled as he turned it off. He sat back down on the couch after retrieving one of his favorite books from upstairs, determined to get in some reading before Kevin woke up.

Kevin was having a nightmare. He was aware of this. the sense of paralysis was overwhelming and being unable to wake himself he watched helplessly as his memories of that night played over and over. First there was the black nothingness, then the glare of bright lights and her voice screaming his name, as they swerved off the road. Impact. Then her crying would start, gradually it faded to a soft whimpering that trailed into a sickening gurgle as he tried to find her hand in the dark. He called her name trying to comfort her. She never responded. He finally clutched her hand. it was limp, cold and sticky. he could hear nothing, the silence surrounded and suffocated him. then he was being pulled away, out of the twisted heap that had been his car. In the illumination of headlights he saw her face, covered in blood and so pale. Her blonde hair was plastered to her face by her blood, God there was so much of it, he felt his voice burst out of his throat, a deranged and strangled cry, "NAZZ!" Never stopping, just screaming, screaming, screaming...

He lurches awake, colliding with a concerned Edd, who had been trying to shake him into consciousness. Kevin stumbles to his feet, taking deep breathes and tries desperately to forget. "Block it out, block it," he tells himself frantically wiping at the silent tears flowing down his face. He hears a voice speaking softly over his own, "no, let it out, don't keep it in, you aren't blocking it out, you're trapping it in..." Kevin feels his breath hitching as he turns toward the soft voice. Edds face is a picture of worry and sadness. His hat has fallen off, and his eyes are shining with unshed tears of empathy. Kevin doesn't doubt that in some way Edd feels what he is feeling, tentatively Edd reaches a hand out and touches his arm, and that is all it takes. Kevin unleashes the torrent of emotions that he has been actively denying since the night he killed his best friend. In the beginning he just sobs, loud heaving cries of agony and despair. Edd felt a hole being ripped through his heart as he listens to the inhuman cries of pain coming from the boy before him. Kevin starts to pace, tearing at his hair as he confesses the events of that night, how he couldn't admit that he had been too tired to drive, and had been too stubborn to stay at their friends house that night. How he had fallen asleep at the wheel. the guilt he felt because he was alive and she was not. the fear he had of falling asleep anywhere except Edds house, and how he didn't deserve to have friends because look how he treated them... It was at this moment he felt a pair of skinny arms wrap tightly around him. Kevin stiffens immediately at the embrace, but Edd doesnt let go. Pain and need win out and Kevin sinks into the other boys embrace, clutching fistfuls of Edds shirt, he holds tight to the only comfort he has allowed himself as a new wave of sobs begin to wrack his exhausted frame.


	4. Chapter 4

Edd sat at his kitchen table, sipping tea and muttering to himself. Kevin had gone home to tell his parents he was gonna sleep at Edds house and grab a change of clothes. Edd laughed to himself. Half of Kevins wardrobe was scattered around his room, the boy had something against doing laundry. and folding it. and putting it away for that matter. In fact when he thought about it Edd couldn't figure what Kevin still needed to grab from his house. "He has pretty much moved in! Not objecting, but tooth brush, shower stuff, pajamas, most of his clothing, school stuff," Edd mentally ticked off, "Favorite movies, video games, hell his baby was in the garage..." Edd heaved a sigh and slumped down in his chair, it had been a long night,and his mind was a mess. Kevins breakdown had been a sudden storm and he had found himself caught and tossed within it. He felt battered. Kevins strong facade had cracked then burst, and poured out his soul. God the brute force of it still rendered him breathless," how had he withheld so much guilt and pain for so long?" he wondered," And Nazz is dead? What the hell, as far as he knew she had moved away with her parents last summer. it had been so sudden when they left..." Exhausted he dropped his head onto the table, mindlessly fiddling with his empty cup. it was all so strange, and sad, and he had no idea how to cope with it. For possibly the millionth time he reminded himself that he was neither doctor nor therapist and had no reason to believe he could help Kevin through this. He felt an odd stirring in his chest, "to hell with reason, I'm going to try anyway." Feeling a sudden surge of determination he rose, abruptly knocking his chair over, tea cup clutched tightly in one hand. He stopped shook himself, "easy tiger what are you doing?" he laughed Carefully he placed his cup in the sink, and righted his chair, before meandering back to the living room, to try and tidy up. Their half eaten breakfast was still on the table, pillows and a blanket had been knocked to the floor, and more of Kevins stuff, shoes and his old letter jacket, had been dispersed around the room. As he cleaned up Edd decided he was over thinking things, all he had to do really was keep being a friend." No one needs a doctorate for that" he said, smiling to himself, as he headed upstairs to prepare for bed.

Kevin was pacing across double d's porch. He'd watched as the dork had tidied up and went upstairs. Kevin was avoiding going inside. Something had happened when the dork had embraced and comforted him. He knew it was silly, and probably just heat of the moment type stuff. He KNEW it wasn't what he was thinking it was right now... "breathe" he told himself, "just walk in and act normal, the dweeb doesn't roll that way, and as far we know neither do you..." He thumped his head against the door frame, "you're lying to yourself." "yeah but you have no chance, not to mention you don't deserve to be happy let alone loved" He sighed and tried to fight back the tears. God when had he become such a wreck?


End file.
